Major League Baseball Makes Drugs Cool Again!

josh-hamilton1The impressive performance by former junkie Josh Hamilton in the Home Run Derby on Monday has given the formerly evil crack cocaine new-found credibility. He’s fresh off the pipe and onto televisions around the world flashing a smile yellowed by drug abuse that was supposed to ruin our lives. With every home run he hit, Hamilton enlisted a new legion of fans ready to smoke their way to super-stardom.

If you don’t know the back story, here a re-cap: Josh Hamilton is a superb athlete and baseball player who after getting in a car accident was sidelined from baseball for the first time in his adult life. He used his injury rehab time preparing for drug rehab by becoming addicted to crack and losing about 50 pounds. After pulling it together, he worked his ass off to get back into professional baseball, debuting with The Cincinnati Reds last year and playing for the Texas Rangers well enough this year to be selected as an All Star. Now here is what scares the shit out off every parole officer and D.A.R.E. t-shirt wearing middle school teacher: DRUGS DIDN’T FUCK UP HIS LIFE FOREVER!! If anything, it made him stronger and more determined to succeed. Without drugs, this guy may have never gotten this far. 

_40898128_crackpipe300splThis defies everything we have been told about drugs and the man can’t keep us down any longer. The sale of crack and other drugs should be skyrocketing shortly. And to make it easier for new users, the guys slinging crack rock will be wearing official Josh Hamilton jerseys for easy identification. Don’t be a pussy! Smoke, Shoot up, Snort and swallow any dope you can get your hands on! Fame awaits the brave few who choose to suck the glass dick.

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