Yes Is Not An Option.

I was recently turned down for a writing job. At least I think I was… This was my third of 3 interviews with the agency (#1 with HR, #2 with the creative director and #3 with the partner) and on its conclusion I was told that they would be in contact. 10 days and several emails and phone calls later I was as confused as the audience watching a Tom Cruise Nazi war film. Do you want me to work for you? How hard is it to give a yes or no answer? In my effort to understand this bullshit, it occurred to me that this dillhole was incapable of telling me “no”.  The difference between human beings and a disposable lighter is that a human being needs to know when you are done using them, yet most people would rather toss you aside than deal with the commitment of yes or the freedom of “no”. Freedom? Yes, for a swift prompt no will do you a great service. If this company in question had told me honestly why I was not to be part of their plans I would have been able to spend the following week more productively pursuing other writing work and slashing this fucker’s tires. 

The fact is that we need a little more “no-can-do” spirit, and I am offering here some reasons to be positive about being negative.

The first thing I want to offer is if you feel you just don’t have time to say “no” then you are denying yourself your greatest job perk. The absolute instant erection power of deciding the fate of people is intoxicating to have, let alone use-so PRACTICE. On the way to work, don’t look the other way upon refusing to yield to an other car. Look the driver in the eye and tell them- no, wait your turn. If someone wants you to lower your voice during a cellphone call, tell them you can not and please do not interrupt while you are speaking. If your girlfriend asks you to explain the strange email address written in lipstick in your coat pocket, tell her you will not and you question whether you can have a relationship with someone who violates your personal space and belongings.

The key in offering “no” as an answer is to not get cute with your vernacular. “We decided to go in another direction” should only be used if you are casting a film-if you are not with a movie studio when this comes out of your mouth, then the only direction you should concern yourself in going is away from the fist that should be moving toward you rapidly. “I just need to run this by some people first” means you have no juice and should “run” the phone over to someone that has the stones to make a decision. “We should get our ducks in a row” is a metaphor used by people that put a slice of cheese on apple pie. It is a term used in hunting and for you it means you have been shot down and they are looking for the solution elsewhere.

If you attempt to offer a valid explanation along with your rejection for it, that will help the other party understand your position. Just dropping “no” and nothing else gives people the vibe that you are 1 tracksuit away from completing your Jr. wiseguy exam. In addition to giving an explanation, be aware that the other party will try to overcome your objection, and this will be your opportunity to close the door efficiently. Don’t use your rebuff as an opportunity to get cruel. If someone inquires what you ARE you looking for, answering ” Your most current photograph to place at the security desk in order to keep you from coming in here again” is on par to stealing a pair of crutches. Remember, the 5-day waiting period for a handgun expired a decade ago…

Feel free to leave your comments on this-just remember, I have to approve them first.


2 Responses to “Yes Is Not An Option.”

  1. Yeah!!! Like Nancy Reagan said. Just say NO!!! I Think i saw her on The I Ain’t Seen Nothin News. I guess I’ll have more tome to watch it now since I just been fired.

  2. Let the truth be told my friend. We all turn to whatever it is we turn to for peace of mind, solace, inspiration and love amongst other things. Boozecoma is one of few places I find that satisfies my questioning if I’m the only one with such frustrations.
    Mediocrity is not unlike a biological disease. As it progresses, it gets worse because it feeds off of itself. Cancer is fed by the nutrients in cancer.
    Boozecoma lets us know that, WE ARE NOT ALONE! You and I are not alone in experiencing the unnecessary consequences of mediocrity. Therefore, Boozecoma is a learning tool. A tool not just to find out that there are in fact people who do care, but a tool to find out remedies as to how to overcome such…mediocrity.
    Two people who own dogs, live on the same block. One person, when they walk the dog, ALWAYS scoops the poop. He doesn’t think about why he cleans it up, he just knows the unnecessary careless consequences to his neighbors should he NOT clean it up. The other person rarely cleans it up. Why? Well, we didn’t ask him. Do we really need to ask him? We all know the answer…(say it with me people) MEDIOCRITY!
    Let The vignettes of Boozecoma be your personal learning tool for real life. For, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Dr.Z

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